


Shades Of Blue And Grey

by SPACE__BOY



Series: Shance [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Lance (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Warnings May Change, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-05-31 09:32:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPACE__BOY/pseuds/SPACE__BOY
Summary: Lance looked down at the navy blue sea below him. He was sitting on a highway railing on the edge of a cliff, which plunged into one of the rockiest areas of the ocean on the coast. The wind was strong, and the air smelled strongly of sea salt.Lance leaned a little farther past the edge, wondering what would happen if he died by jumping off a cliff. Would he be sent to Hell, like his mama said? Or would he be trapped in a state of nothingness? Maybe he would see all of his dead family again.He leaned forward even more, starting to fall. He closed his eyes, smiled softly, and let go. As soon as he did, someone grabbed his middle and hauled him back onto the empty highway. Lance let out a surprised yelp, fighting against the person. "Let me go!"





	1. "Why should I?"

**Author's Note:**

> Tw suicide

Lance looked down at the navy blue sea below him. He was sitting on a highway railing on the edge of a cliff, which plunged into one of the rockiest areas of the ocean on the coast. The wind was strong, and the air smelled strongly of sea salt.

Lance leaned a little farther past the edge, wondering what would happen if he died by jumping off a cliff. Would he be sent to Hell, like his mama said? Or would he be trapped in a state of nothingness? Maybe he would see all of his dead family again.

He leaned forward even more, starting to fall. He closed his eyes, smiled softly, and let go. As soon as he did, someone grabbed his middle and hauled him back onto the empty highway. Lance let out a surprised yelp, fighting against the person. "Let me go!"

The man, Lance assumed by how they easily lifted him, grunted and shifted him so he was being carried over the man's shoulder. Lance looked over at their face with fury-filled eyes and confirmed that it was a man. He had short, strikingly white  hair with a slightly longer peice in the front, pale skin, deep silver-gray eyes, and a prosthetic arm. "Not until I'm sure that you aren't gonna throw yourself off this cliff, buddy."

Lance tried to get out of the man's grip, but he couldn't shake him off. He huffed and accepted that he wouldn't be able to get away, at least not easily. "Don't call me 'buddy'. I don't even know you. And why shouldn't I throw myself off this cliff if everyone hates me? "

"I don't hate you." The man walked for a while, eventually stopping in front of a black Toyota. 

"You should, I've been nothing but rude to you."

The man shook his head. "It's obvious that you're hurting, so I'm not gonna hate you. Now, either you get in the car with me, or we walk to the nearest city."

Lance sighed, his will to fight breaking. "Put me down, I swear I'll get in the car."

The man smiled softly at Lance. "I'm Shiro, by the way."

"I'm Lance," he said flatly. Once in the car, Shiro smoothly started the car and pulled away from the cliff. After driving silently for a few minutes, they pulled into a good-sized house's driveway. At some point, Lance had curled his legs up to his chest. He slowly uncurled and got out of the car, following Shiro into the house.

"Are you hungry?" Shiro asked, smiling at Lance. Lance nodded. "what do you like? I have a lot of things to make food with."

Lance shrugged. "I'm not picky, I'll eat just about anything."

Shiro nodded. "Okay, you fine with ramen? I make it from scratch, and I have the noodles ready."

Lance perked up. "You can make ramen from scratch?"

Shiro smiled, motioning with his hand for Lance to follow him. "You wanna help?"

Lance smiled slightly. "Can I?"

"Sure you can, it's easy." Shiro led Lance into a spacious kitchen. It was homely, the walls painted a pale blue, baskets of fresh vegetables and herbs sitting on the marble counters. He motioned to a corner of the room, where a table with bar stools sat. "Sit there while I grab the right vegetables."

Lance sat, watching as Shiro picked up a carrot, a cob of corn, and a remarkably large chive, the stalk still attached. " what do you use for the flavoring?"

"Garlic seasoning, salt, and whatever broth fits the meat I use. Today I'm using beef, so it calls for beef broth." Shiro set the vegetables down on the table and sat down next to Lance. "Do you want to cut up the chive's stalk?"

Lance nodded and started helping Shiro cook. they laughed and talked while preparing the food, and after about an hour, it was finally done. They sat down at the table, their two bowls filled to the brim with noodles, vegetables, and beef. Lance immediately dug in, as did Shiro. Once they were done, Shiro stood up and asked, "do you want to watch a movie with me?"

Lance smiled an nodded. "What do you have in mind?"

Shiro shrugged. "I have like, at least a hundred movies, if not more, so I was gonna let you choose." He led Lance into the living room. Again, Lance got struck with a sense of coziness. The walls were a pale grey, and they had paintings of landscapes hung up on them. The carpet was black and fluffy. There was a giant couch that took up almost the whole length of the back wall, and an armchair that looked very soft. When Lance looked at the front wall, he saw a good sized flat-screen TV and multiple lines of shelves that were filled with books and movies.

"Woah, your house is really cool. It's like modern, but cozy at the same time. I like it." Lance went over to the shelves and started looking at the movies. eventually, he found one that he wanted to watch. "Neptune's Rising? What's that one about?"

Shiro scratched the back of his head nervously. "I actually haven't watched it yet. My brother, Keith, and his friends, Pidge and Hunk, bought it for me."

Lance looked at him and smiled. "You wanna watch it?"

Shiro smiled back. "Sure."

Shiro put the movie in the DVD player and sat next to Lance as it started. 

It ended up being about Roman gods coming into the human world. As the movie went on, Lance scooted closer to Shiro and laid his head on his shoulder. Lance fell asleep halfway through the movie, so Shiro carried him to the upstairs guest room, laying his newfound friend on the large bed. He stopped in the doorway of the cozy room and turned back to look at Lance, thinking of how attractive this hurt man was.


	2. "I ruined your shirt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys I would get it out! I love how this chapter turned out.
> 
> tw anxiety attacks

When Lance awoke, he panicked. He was in a stranger's house, in a soft bed and clean clothes, and his stomach was comfortably full. He hadn't felt like this since before Mama kicked him out, almost a year ago. He shivered as he was suddenly submerged in the memory of getting kicked out. 

 

_"Mama? I need to tell you something." Past Lance stood nervously to the side of his mother, fidgeting with his jacket sleeves. He looked different than he does now. A year ago, he had round, full cheeks and a child-like posture. Now his face was sunken in and he had a defeated look in his eyes._

_She looked at him impatiently. "What is it, hijo? I have to do some paperwork for the bank," She said in a stressed voice. Lance knew she was stressed, but he couldn't hold it in any longer._

_"I- Mama, I'm bisexual. I like boys and girls." Lance's family was religious, but they'd never discussed homosexuality._

_Her eyes went from just annoyed to cold. "I will not have a son who likes boys. You're eighteen, so I'm giving you three days to get out of my house." She seemed to get even more furious. She stood up and looked at Lance with contempt. "If you aren't out by then, I swear I will send you to Hell myself!_ _¡Estúpido chico! ¡No habrá homosexualidad en mi casa!"_

_Lance looked away from his mother, barely holding back tears. He nodded and quietly said, "Y- yes Mama."_

_"And you can start packing now! you're lucky we already had dinner, or you wouldn't get any food!"  Lance nodded at his mother's harsh words and practically ran to his room. He sobbed as he packed. He only had his old school bag and two small suitcases to put his stuff in. He packed one suitcase full of as many folded clothes as he could and the other with all his money, which was only $300, and more clothes. His backpack held his notebooks. There were ten of them, filled with his poems. there were at least a hundred poems, each one meant to him in some way. he went down the stairs slowly, making as little noise as possible and leaving without saying goodbye._

 

When Lance came back to the present, he was crying, his body shaking violently with every loud sob. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't stop crying, he couldn't see. His hand dug into his neck, where there were scabs and scars from the previous panic attacks he's had. suddenly he felt a gentle hand pull his own from his neck and he heard a soft voice coming from in front of him. he opened his eyes and saw a blurry image of Shiro. "Lance, can you hear me?" Lance nodded and clung onto Shiro's hand with his own. "Can I touch you?"

Lance nodded and shakily spoke in between slightly quieter sobs, "P- please."

Shiro softly hugged him and Lance quickly had a tight hold around Shiro's chest. Lance cried on the new man, slowly calming down. When he could see and was only slightly hiccuping, He lifted his head from the other man's chest. He looked at the giant wet spot on his shirt. He frowned and said, "I ruined your shirt."

Shiro looked at Lance and smiled. "It's okay, I have others. Do you want to talk about what happened that triggered your panic attack?"

Lance nodded. He leaned onto Shiro again, his voice slightly muffled by his face being in  "I- it's just that... I haven't felt this comfortable and safe since my Mama kicked me out, almost a year ago now. I've been living on the streets just trying to survive since then. I have a shitty weekday job and a shitty apartment, but other than those I have nothing but clothes and notebooks full of poems."

Shiro nodded. "Well, if you want, I could help you get back on track. I know how it feels to live a nine-to-five life that you hate. I'm a published author and an editor, maybe I could help you get your poems published!"

Lance smiled a bit, but then he suddenly looked hurt. "You're only doing this because I need help." His face twisted into a frown. He looked away from Shiro, but he couldn't bring himself to stop hugging the man. It had been so long since he'd felt the warmth of another person.

"What- Lance, that's not the only reason why. yes, you need help, but I don't pity you. I know how it feels to be scolded and left for things you can't help. My first boyfriend, a guy named Alex, dumped me when I got into the accident that cost me my arm." Shiro used is metal hand to thread through Lance's hair. It seemed to slightly calm the tan man down. "I don't love it, but I've learned to live with it. It takes time, but whatever you got kicked out for wasn't your fault."

Lance looked up slowly, his dark blue eyes wet from tears. "Mama kicked me out because I like both boys and girls. "

Shiro frowned. "that isn't at all your fault, Lance. You can't control who you like."

Lance ducked his head into Shiro's chest and nodded. He relaxed slightly as Shiro's human hand rubbed his upper back. He sniffled and said, "Is it okay if I stay here?"

Shiro smiled and responded, "of course you can."


	3. "I hope you have a good life with him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter! this one is important later on, so it gets it's own chapter.

"This is where I live..." Lance weakly said as he and Shiro stood in front of a five-story, brick-walled building. It was covered in grime and was in the worst part of the city. They walked into the lobby and Lance went to the bored-looking woman at the desk. "Hey, Heather." 

She looked up at Lance and smiled softly at him. "Hey, Lance. what do you need?"

Lance chewed on his lip before saying, "I'm moving out. This," he gestured at Shiro, "is my new roommate. I'm here to give you the five-hundred for this month's rent and get my things out, then give you the key." He handed her $500 in fifties, kudos to Shiro. Then he motioned Shiro to follow him up the stairs to the second floor, not giving Heather a chance to respond.

Once they were in Lance's apartment, It struck Shiro how poor of condition Lance's life was in. There were only three rooms, one that doubled as a kitchen and dining room, one that looked like a bedroom, and the bathroom. The Kitchen was bare of any traces of food, other than the open cupboard, which revealed row after row of cup noodles. The bedroom had a futon, which was laid out in its bed form. The Mattress looked like it was only three inches thick.  Everything was extremely clean, and all there was next to the futon was a few bags and suitcases. 

"Could you, um, help me pack up my clothes? everything else is either in the backpacks or isn't important." Shiro nodded, and Lance went into the bathroom, opening a few cupboards and an (admittedly tiny) closet, pulling out about five shirts, three pairs of pants, and socks and underwear. They silently pack all of it up, then they headed back down the stairs. Lance smiled softly at Heather while he handed her the key to his former apartment. 

"I hope you get a better life with him. Goodbye, Lance." Lance nodded and waved as he followed Shiro out to his car, too choked up to speak. Only Shiro saw him silently shed a tear as they left.

 

When they got to Shiro's house a half hour later, They both carried bags into the house. They sat down in the living room, and Lance quietly cried, trying to hide it from Shiro. He was holding his breath but Little sobs would escape when he took in air. Shiro pulled him into a hug. Lance repositioned so he was leaning on Shiro's chest and Shiro's arm was around him. "Lance, what's wrong?"

Lance shook his head and buried his face in Shiro's chest. Shiro Didn't say anything, but he thought of how hard it would be to get Lance mentally stable again. It took him almost a year, and all he did was lose his arm.  Lance had obviously been through so much more, and it would be a while until he opened up.

 

 


	4. Uh so a/n I guess???

So uh  
Im really in a depressive hole Rn I guess  
I don't want to go into detail but this is on hold for god knows how much longer  
Im not sorry, I'm trying to stabilize my mental state atm and that's more important than my art and writing combined

It's just hard, yaknow? I dont remember a time where I've never been depressed. P sure my works are evidence of that. I've been seeing a therapist and all that, but physical complications with a disorder I have are making my life hell. Add my midterm grades on top of that and you have a Sean who's been legit teetering between a manic, hysterical episode and a depressive one. 

Anyways, I hope you guys haven't given up on this, because I'm trying to write more of it. Thanks for reading this. 

\- SPACE__BOY , aka Sean


End file.
